The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
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