I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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