she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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