I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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