I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I could make wine with my vomit
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize