the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
