i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
