I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
