SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
