I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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