theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
