i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
