C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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