You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
