I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
