and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
