Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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