Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there was a trapeze. enough said
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
