I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize