My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
