I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
