i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
