Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish you could order shots online.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
