Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
