FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
