Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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