dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
