No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize