I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
