White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
