last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
