Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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