i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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