3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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