found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize