I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do herpes really smell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
