my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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