So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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