I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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