he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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