i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize