11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I need help removing her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize