Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just threw up on my dentist
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
