I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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