the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
