the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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