i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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