chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
