just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
