Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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