You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Even my vagina gasped.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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