You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
