I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
