Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
