'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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