Nicole vs. Life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
