So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
