Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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