hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
well you can't waste a boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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