i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
