is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
