i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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