the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
